NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE.

    To the citizens if the United States of America:

    In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and 
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocations of 
your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen 
Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, 
commonwealths, and other territories (with the exception of Utah, which 
she does not fancy).
    Your new Prime Minister, (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% 
of you who have until now, been unaware that there is a world outside 
your borders) will appoint a Secretary of State for America, without the 
need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
    A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether 
any of you noticed.
    To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the 
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. 
Then look up "aluminium" and check the pronunciation guide. You will be 
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

    2. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. 
look up "vocabulary". Note: using the same twenty-seven words, 
interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is 
unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

    3. You will now find that "color" and "tire" are listed in the 
dictionary as "colour" and "tyre" respectively.

    4. Effective immediately, you will "ensure" that something happens, 
but will "insure" your car, house, and your life, etc.

    5. In written documentation you will start using "you're" as the 
abbreviated form for "you are", and use "your" solely for something that 
belongs to someone.  Similarly, you will learn the difference between 
"they're",  "their" and "there". Yes, we know they all sound the same, 
but we've given you the language, please make the effort to use it 
correctly.

    6. There is no such thing as " US English". We will let Microsoft 
know on your behalf.

    7. You should learn to distinguish between the English and 
Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

    8. Hollywood will be required  occasionally to cast English actors 
as the good guys.

    9. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The 
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you 
to get confused and give up half way through.

    10. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one 
kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very 
good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside 
your borders, may have noticed that no one else plays "American" 
football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and will instead 
play proper football.

    Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. it is a 
difficult game.

    11. Those of you brave enough, will in time, be allowed to play 
rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve 
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body 
armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together st least a US rugby 
sevens side by 2010.

    12. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear 
weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% who were not aware that 
there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The 
Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".

    13. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a 
new national holiday, but only in England. it will be called "Indecisive 
Day."

    14. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is 
for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand 
what we mean.

    15. You will tell us who killed JFK.